A Place To Find Your Voice

“A self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living.”

— Virginia Woolf

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Happy New Year! I rang in 2024 with 108 sacred bells at my Zen center and it was a gorgeous beginning to the year. We sat in a candlelit room, taking turns softly hitting the gong as we meditated for over an hour. I was wrapped in a warm shawl, allowing the past year to flow through me, sending out gratitude and lovingkindness. Listening to the distant sounds of revelry outside. Feeling the presence of those in the room with me.


Each bell would bring me into the present moment, the vibrations rippling through me like medicine. We knew it was midnight when the final two gongs sounded. I thought I would miss the champagne and seeing the ball drop, but, nope: I can think of no better way to meet all that this year will bring. To welcome another year of life with silence reminded me of how sacred each moment of our lives is--our breath, the water we drink, the roofs over our head. I knew as those bells sounded that there was so much suffering in the world, even in the room with me, even within myself. And yet, the bells keep ringing...Humans are pretty damn beautiful when they're not blowing things up. 


Speaking of beautiful humans: have any of you seen this gorgeous 60-second meditation? I LOVE IT SO MUCH.



Click on it now and see what happens. If anything about the season you're in right now doesn't have 108-bell-high-vibe-energy, that's okay: being human is the hardest job in the world. 



I'm behind on all my journaling and reflecting, but I think that's a good thing. I rather like the idea of easing into a new year and taking the time to let 2023 metabolize and try this new year on for size slowly, cozily, and with discernment. The above image is my new calendar, which I adore, not least of which because January features "The Writer's Cottage: A place to find your voice." This whole image is chocolate for my writing soul: dark hot cocoa with maple marshmallows, anyone?


I'm excited by the idea of place being connected to voice and I wonder what the past few years of living in L'Etoile du Nord has done to mine.


It feels a bit softer, a bit more thoughtful. These long winter months bake that slower pace into you. I have more than ever to say, but there are new ways of saying it that are emerging. I'm curious how your places are impacting your work. One of my favorite things is when a writer mentions in their acknowledgments where they wrote a book and why that mattered. (If you haven't listened to Barbara Kingsolver talk about Demon Copperhead, voice, and place on the Armchair Expert podcast, you're in for a treat.) Anyway, don't you just want to rent that cabin right now?! 

Above: Miss Circe...not sure which of us needs the sun lamp more!

See that picture on the bottom left of the whiteboard, the one with the hands? It's from an issue of National Geographic and these handprints are considered one of, if not the very first, examples of human art. Those are ancient handprints, created and left there...why? What compelled those early humans to leave their handprints behind? That need to create, to share, to make a mark--it's in all of us.


We are in the lineage of whoever decided to decorate those cave walls.


An ancient lineage of creators who, despite darkness and fear and illness and uncertainty, took the time to make some beautiful. Something that would outlast them and serve to inspire future generations. Something they didn't get paid to do. Food for thought for those of you who are feeling a bit hopeless, and dreading - if you're American - the upcoming presidential election and everything that's happening to vulnerable people in the US and on its borders. There is a lot to be afraid of no matter where you are, and I suspect those early humans were deep into fight-flight-freeze mode on the regular. But they still made art because they were compelled to. Sometimes you get paid when you're compelled to make things and sometimes you don't. Bet they had no idea I'd be writing about their work a gazillion years later, looking at it every day for inspiration as I try to make sense of what the point of me writing anything is. I also feel such sweet love for our species when I think about how, as kids, our handprints were some of the first works of art we were taught to create, too.

The Page of Pentacles makes me think of those handprints and the people who made them: let's see what happens, let's try a thing, let's risk making fools of ourselves. 


This happens to be the card I pulled for the year, which is so perfect for where I'm at now with all my new endeavors and projects. The Page is the youngest of the court cards and is all about curiosity and beginner's mind. The pentacles represent our livelihood and the concerns of day-today life, including our homes and families. I love this card's illustration from the Light Seer's Tarot: she's rooted in the earth and sacred tradition while staying in motion with the mandala that is her complex life's weavings. 


It can be hard to be the Page because it's an admission that there is more to learn and a willingness to fail. It's knowing you have a lot further to go, and working with the season you are in, trusting that the wisdom of the Queen and King will eventually weave itself into you. 


The Virginia Woolf quote at the top of the newsletter speaks to the Page, as well: "A self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living." We are changing, we must, whether we like it or not. Bodies that are aging, life circumstances that have shifted, approaches to writing and reading that are unexpected. A whole industry - publishing - undergoing enormous and constant change, even if some of its most frustrating aspects haven't changed a bit.


Change is the nature of all life, and embracing change, rather than resisting it, is what will allow us to meet change with the dynamic energy of curiosity and non-judgement. 


My upcoming self-compassion intensive for writers feels supported by this energy of openness and curiosity: diving in to caring for ourselves in a culture that tells us to muscle up, buttercup is a way to access our beginner's mind and to have that childlike approach to trying and maybe failing and then trying again. What would it feel like to be kind when you fail, when you have a tough day, when you break promises to yourself? And how can that kindness actually support and strengthen your writing practice? Paradoxes abound! 

While we can't all launch ourselves into the writer's cottage from my calendar, we can bring a little bit of it into our lives. Where are the pockets of sweet contemplation you can bring into your day? How might you rustle up some of that cozy magic as you ease into this new year with deep care for your energy, your boundaries, and your heart?

May you be happy, healthy, safe, and inspired this year!

Why I Didn't Write This Year

“You are not a troubled guest on this earth,
you are not an accident amidst other accidents”

— David Whyte

Re: My love of naps. Had to share my new mat! 🧡

Many of you know how I talk about writing seasons: there are times when the words are available, and times where they are not. 


I have not written for most of this past year. 


I dabbled in a few projects and, of course, have written to all of you. But I just didn't want to write. When I tried, I felt...bored. Not stuck. Just...actually bored, which has literally never happened in my life with writing, except for overly ruminative journaling. The spark had gone and I knew enough not to push it. To let life take its course, to trust that it would come back around. This is what I teach my writers: you need to fill the well, to be open and curious, to pursue what lights you up. Sometimes what lights you up isn't your writing, and that's okay.


I wasn't scared about it. 


Confused, yes. Weirded out, sure. Sad: absolutely. Writing has been my stalwart companion lo these many years. Life was clearly pulling me in another direction, not unrelated--becoming a therapist for creatives--but a bummer nonetheless. After nine books and decades of writing practice, though, I had to allow my creativity to find its expression elsewhere (I had a brief love affair with Zentangles and embroidery) and to keep pursuing what filled me with a quiet and certain yes. 


A few months ago, I realized that a medication I'd been taking for the past few years was the culprit. It made it so that I couldn't feel things as strongly as I once did. I didn't realize that this was what was causing me to not have an interest in fiction or the memoir I'm working on. In retrospect: duh. But as someone with chronic pain, I'm constantly juggling meds and therapies and tracking this and that. As soon as I began decreasing the dose, the words and ideas and - most important - the excitement and desire to write came back. This is tricky, of course, because I take that medication for a reason. 


But I don't think it was just the medication. I believe I was being forced by my body to take a break.


In fact, recognizing that the medication was messing with my flow happened around the same time I started taking naps and realized how much tension I was holding throughout my body and took practical steps with my cranial sacral therapist to address that. I'd come off of writing one of the hardest (and best) things I've ever put into the world ("put" is relative, as it's still on sub). I started grad school again. I bought my first place. I got diagnosed with two chronic illnesses, started speaking again to both my parents, got lay-ordained in Zen Buddhism, and completed a mindfulness facilitation certification at UCLA. My life was full without the writing. But I missed it. And I'm so glad it has returned to me. I think I have more to offer the page because of this time away from it. Absence does, indeed, make the heart grow fonder. 


I write in the margins now, and I find that this is a good place for me to be. 

“The Ecstasy of Enough” by Liz Huston

The margins keep me hungry for more. I'm in the process of becoming a clinical social worker and have found that I work best as a writer when I have a lot on my plate. Then the writing gets to be dessert, and never feels like it's simply fuel to get me through the day. I also think the margins work for me because, when writing isn't my whole life, I'm getting inspired in so many directions and then I want to write about all of it. If all I do is write, I often feel listless and uncertain. There is also a great deal of pressure to produce, even if I'm running on fumes. 


All I can say is that it was worth the wait. My body and mind are ready to write and I'm having so much fun. 


If life circumstances have caused you to be in this same place, I hope my experience helps you take heart. You might not have a medication messing with you or illness, but I'm guessing there is something - or several somethings - that necessarily have to take priority now. 


There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not a bad writer, if you are a writer who finds themselves in a non-writing season. 

I recently co-taught a meditation class with a mindfulness buddy and he shared the most magnificent poem with me, which we - of course! - had to share with our students. I've put it below for you and I hope it hits your heart in just the spot it hit mine...or wherever you need a good burst of light. We worked with this poem at my Mini Cozy Retreat in October and this was just before I had my a-ha! moment about my medication. That retreat was created as much for me as for the writers who attended, because I needed a cozy writing den for a few hours.


One thing we did was to go through the poem a few times - you can also read it out loud - and highlight any words or phrases that are really jumping out at you, then use those as journaling prompts. It's a pretty yummy way to spend a Saturday afternoon. 

What to Remember When Waking

by David Whyte
 

In that first hardly noticed moment in which you wake,
coming back to this life from the other
more secret, moveable and frighteningly honest world
where everything began,
there is a small opening into the new day
which closes the moment you begin your plans.
 

What you can plan is too small for you to live.
What you can live wholeheartedly will make plans enough
for the vitality hidden in your sleep.
 

To be human is to become visible
while carrying what is hidden as a gift to others.
To remember the other world in this world
is to live in your true inheritance.
 

You are not a troubled guest on this earth,
you are not an accident amidst other accidents
you were invited from another and greater night
than the one from which you have just emerged.
 

Now, looking through the slanting light of the morning window
toward the mountain presence of everything that can be
what urgency calls you to your one love?
What shape waits in the seed of you
to grow and spread its branches
against a future sky?
 

Is it waiting in the fertile sea?
In the trees beyond the house?
In the life you can imagine for yourself?
In the open and lovely white page on the writing desk?
 

from The House of Belonging, Many Rivers Press

To your open and lovely white page, whenever you decide to spend time with it...

Keep Swimming, Writer

“Remember you love writing. It wouldn’t be worth it if you didn’t. If the love fades, do what you need to do and get back to it. ”

— A.L. Kennedy

😂 This was a post I wrote way back in August…and am only just now posting because….whelp….I started my second master’s degree. At any rate, here it is!

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We all deal with rejection and uncertainty in different ways. My book has been on sub since Valentine's Day and this is how I'm dealing with it (see photo above). I haven't had anything resembling faith in publishing since I got my first book deal, but I've never been on sub this long, and certainly not for a book I know is the best I've written. We've talked about liminal spaces before, and this is one I'm still discovering how best to navigate. 


I had a friend tell me I was dealing with the ups and downs of this sub (got a film agent! really famous people reading the book! no one wanting a book about war right now!) with "remarkable grace." Meditation and mindfulness help me have a felt sense of impermanence that is healthy and generative for prioritizing what matters in life, but it's still hard. I know the work I continue to do with not putting my worth in the work and being in relationship with my inner critic and cultivating self-compassion is essential. All of this has allowed me to stop being that girl forever waiting on the train platform for a ride that may never come. Life is so short. I'm seeing that more and more with sick friends and family members, with everything happening in the world. I simply don't have time to give any more fucks about this business than I already have.


Does that mean I'm giving up? No way! But it does mean I have a life outside of writing now, and that I encourage my students and writers I work with to get lives, too. Actual hobbies. No guilt when you want to garden instead of locking yourself in a dark room to write. Knowing the work will be there when you are ready.


We can live lives that inspire us to write, that allow us to have joy in putting pen to paper, a love for this calling that is outside of performance or expectations or business. That's not giving up. It's putting your attention on what matters - you, the work, your relationship to the world - and rising above the fray of publishing. 


And, what do you know? This whole loving your writing and not letting publishing be the thief of your joy is a strategy that actually helps you realize your goals...

When I heard the news that one of my writers has just won the Los Angeles Book Prize for their incredible novel about Czech youth resistance, it's hard to lose faith in words and in the long game of never giving up and telling the stories your heart needs to tell, trends and publishers and numbers be damned. 



Here's Lyn's testimony from back when we worked together several years ago:
 

I came to Heather because I needed to get past a traumatic experience and reboot my career. Heather helped me identify what was most important to me in terms of my writing and how to let go of misconceptions that were holding me back.
 

As a result, I have considered avenues that I had dismissed earlier. I’ve learned to own my values and my words, take control of my process and not cede the direction of my career to others.


As a neurodiverse author, Lyn has had to overcome so many challenges in publishing, not to mention the lack of popularity of historical YA! I remember looking at early pages of this book when she came to a revision retreat I created at Highlights Foundation several years ago....and now here we are. 


If that isn't reminder enough that we just need to keep loving the work and doing the work and not getting bogged down by the business, I don't know what is.


Some icing on the inspiration cake: one of the writers that I talked about a few months ago in this post, Deborah Crossland, was on Good Morning America talking about her new book! What?! Deb came to me during a time of major transition and she counts Writing Bingeable Characters as one of the things that has helped her most with her novel (ahem), which came out this week. You can follow her here to catch her spot on Friday.

Me, swimming in the Adriatic…

Earlier this summer, I took a trip to Croatia and I DID NOT BRING MY LAPTOP. People, this is huge. I have never had the courage to do that, not since I've been serious about my writing. I brought a journal and pens and tiles for Zentangles and sashiko embroidery. I had awesome books to read (don't even get me started on Elizabeth Gilbert trying to censor all writers everywhere who want to write a book setting in a certain country). Most important: I had sunscreen and my bathing suit.

Here's to us all doing right by the miracle of being alive in this messy, beautiful, maddening world...and then writing about it, when we feel like it…

Daily Writing Devotionals

“Remember you love writing. It wouldn’t be worth it if you didn’t. If the love fades, do what you need to do and get back to it. ”

— A.L. Kennedy

One of the things that's supporting me falling back in love with my writing practice are what I've taken to calling "writing devotionals."


If you grew up Christian, you might remember those little prayer books that you could get at church, or the more substantial ones you could purchase in the Christian section of the bookstore. My Gram still has one that she reads every morning, not long after she wakes up. She keeps it in the bathroom, naturally. A good writer friend lamented the fact that Christians seem to have cornered the market on this concept of the devotional and we both resolved to have ones that suited our current needs. We have them in other traditions, too, but they don't seem to be as part of the culture. 

Devotionals are great. They're meant to be read in the morning as a way to center your day around what matters most to you. They're a good way to set an intention, keep yourself honest, and not fall into the hustle-bustle of this mad world before you've even rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. 

They're short. Some are just a paragraph. It's not meant to take forever and, in fact, the longer it is, the less likely you'll be able to keep up the practice. 

Summer is such a tough time for writers. It's a really extroverted, outdoors time, which isn't so conducive to writing. Lots of socializing, trips, upending of routines, kids or spouses home, visitors. The push-pull writers feel in this season can be so painful. You want to stay committed to your practice, but you also want to be with your dear ones and enjoy the sunlight. 


Permission not to write this summer. 


Permission to write whatever you want. 


Permission to daydream.


Permission to read all the books you want, not the ones you "should." 


Permission to let this season of your life be what it needs to be. 


Permission to rest, laugh, play, frolic, and otherwise enjoy your existence. 


Permission to quit. 


Permission to recommit. 


Permission to be kind to yourself. 


To that end, I've compiled a list of writer devotionals that are perfect for summer, when it's tough to get into the writer's seat but you want to remain in relationship with your words, get a little inspiration, some of that writer glow. Most have short chapters or are a single page, perfect for a cool dip into familiar and loved waters. May these be of benefit!


(For those of you who still want to make some time for the writer's seat, click below to get my free 31 Days of Writing Workbook for some summer fun.)

If you only get one book, this is the one!!! This a little-known gem that you will turn back to again and again. Mindfulness and writing in one place. Very short snippets of thoughts on writing and paying attention, good prompts if you want them, two women in conversation about the good stuff. This is something I'm forever passing along to any writer who let me evangelize to them about mindfulness. So, like, every writer. 

I often recommend this to my writers, though this is a new version of the original book, which mostly had men. Short and snappy, each profile is sure to give you a little inspiration for your own daily rituals around creative work. 

This is such a treasure. The podcast is phenomenal too, if you, like me, enjoy having Irish men read you beautiful poems and then tell you why they're such good pieces of writing. You can read a poem, then his short thoughts on it. Lovely!

Oh, how I love this book. I got it for Christmas from my husband because he knows how much I love Sophie Blackall. I've been sending this to dear ones since. It just makes me happy. And I re-connect to my own artist's curiosity and love of simple beauty and joys. It also make me want to write! I think because of her great attention to things we often overlook. 

Many of you know I ADORE this book and am always shoving it into people's hands. Each chapter is short, playful, and inspiring, with tons of fun word play that you can choose to do on your own. If you're looking for the occasional writing prompt, this is great fun, too. You don't have to be a poet! You just need to love words. 

I admit, I don't love this book, but it fits the bill in a pinch. Great quotes and fun things to think about. You can read each entry in about two minutes. Could be a good thing to just leave in the kitchen and read when the pasta water is boiling. 

I bought this for myself at an adorable little bookshop on the shore of Lake Superior in Grand Marais, MN and it has become a tonic at night. I love the images, the weird little stories, the dreamlike quality of it all. If you want something immersive and expansive, you'll love this. (Be sure not to accidentally buy the "silent" version, which is just the images and no words....I accidentally did that to a friend and was sad). 

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Here's to us all doing right by the miracle of being alive in this messy, beautiful, maddening world...and then writing about it, when we feel like it…

Befriending Your Perfectionist

“When you tell a story, the first person you must convince is yourself; if you can make yourself believe i’s true, then everyone else will follow. ”

— Raynor Winn, The Salt Path

See that picture up there? That's for you! And me!


I was in my favorite local on my 40th birthday and happened to be in this stall when I made my way to the ladies' room. Some kind soul had written this for every women who goes in there. Women who worry that they're (ahem) getting a bit more gray every day. Women who are on bad dates or drank too much or wore the shirt that shows their tummy rolls or who miss someone they lost or made the mistake of getting drinks with the friend who is hot and will never love them back. Ladies' rooms are powerful spaces and I am always, always in awe of how women have each other's backs in stalls. I've seen so many messages like this over the years. Cheers to us for being the wind in each other's sails. Challenge: buy a Sharpie and leave some messages of your own. Or say a bit of lovingkindness for every woman who will go in there after you. 


One thing these messages do is they tell our Perfectionists to take a knee. A perfect stranger is telling us we matter, we are enough, we are beautiful so, please, Perfectionist, for the love, STFU. 


The thing is, our Perfectionists are parts of us. So when we hate on them, we're just piling more of that rejection and annoyance and frustration on ourselves. This can happen a lot around this time in the New Year, when you have so many goals and expectations and you start to see all the old habits rear up. Let's break the vicious cycle, shall we? 



Because you and your Perfectionist are:

Your Perfectionist and Internal Family Systems

Today's missive came out of a great conversation with one of my writers who is doingmy FLOURISH creative season.Part of what I love about coaching is that we stumble into these gems of deep work, where I'm invited to create a whole structure around a single conversation that can serve future writers I work with. I always have lots to say about the Perfectionist, but this writer challenged me to see the Perfectionist and Inner Critic as separate (for many of you, they are not, and that's perfectly fine). Below is the fruit of that discussion. 



So the big thing we're looking at is your Perfectionist and how this part of you is - even though it's hard to believe - trying to protect you by showing up and slowing you down or causing you to self-doubt. 



What follows is a very simplified riff onInternal Family Systemsdialogue. This is something you would do in therapy or with a trained helping professional, like myself. But I wanted to show you what it looks like when you are able to learn how to befriend a part of you that you might not be very fond of. 



The basic foundation of Internal Family Systems is that we are all composed of many parts and each of these parts has given itself a job, though some parts, called Exiles, are hiding away (hello, shadow work).In this modality, we operate from a place of understanding that ALL of our parts are trying to help us.They might have a funny way of showing it, but they legit think they're protecting you. So that part of you that tells you that you look fat - it doesn't hate you. It's trying to protect you from being unloved and rejected and it's convinced that making you feel bad will inspire you to conform to society's beauty standards so you will be successful and accepted. 



So, let's just work with the idea, for a moment, that your Perfectionist is trying to help you. It's protecting you. It wants the best for you and is terrified that if you aren't perfect, you will be miserable. 



The reason the following work is best done with a therapist or certified helping professional trained in this modality from a reputable institution is because it can bring up a lot of intense emotions and trauma. I don't recommend doing this on your own if you suspect your Perfectionist is connected to something that could seriously dysregulate you. If 1:1 work is not available to you, I recommend first familiarizing yourself with Internal Family Systems -this book is a great start.Glennon even talked about iton a recent podcast. Parts work (IFS) can bring up a lot of unexpected things, so it's important not to fly solo when you go deep with this stuff. Phone a friend if you have to. 



Our goal here is to get in conversation with our Perfectionist, to allow them to be heard, and to get under the hood of why they do what they do.


 

Example Dialogue with Your Perfectionist

You:What are you trying to protect me from?


Perfectionist:Failing. If you fail, then you'll never publish again and all our dreams will die. That's why I have to keep telling you you're not good enough. If you think you're good enough, you'll share your work with the world too soon and it will be rejected and, remember, all our dreams will die. 


(( Notice the language: "our." Your Perfectionist is a part of you, not separate. ))


You:  First, thank you so much for trying to protect me. I don't want to look like a dumbass to the rest of the world. We are on the same page about that. (( Notice affirming the part for what it's trying to do for you. )) The thing is, it's rough for me when you put me down. It makes it harder to write. And I know we both want me to be a successful writer. (( Let them know how you feel. )) What would you rather be doing than reminding me I'm a terrible writer who will never succeed?

(( Note that in a 1:1 dialogue guided by a helping pro, this would take much more time. You'd have an internal room to explore this with your Perfectionist, visualize them, really have a conversation. You'd find out where the roots of all this came from. This is a very amended version). 


Perfectionist:I guess I'd like to be a cheerleader. That sounds more fun. 


You: Would you be willing to cheer me on while I'm writing?


Perfectionist:I don't know if I can. What if it's bad? Like, you're no Margaret Atwood. 


You:Well, if you can't cheer, would you be willing to sit quietly while I'm writing? It's hard for me to work and be good at what I do when you're yelling at me. And I can only get better if I can concentrate. 

Perfectionist:I'll try. 



Your dialogue might be very different, but this is the basic approach. When you befriend your parts, you begin to work together, as a team, rather than sniping at each other like a dysfunctional family unit. 



So it's really about partnership. 



You could enter into this dialogue when your Perfectionist shows up, or you can also do this on your own, after meditation. I highly recommend listening to this talk / guided meditation by one of my teachers, Ralph de la Rosa, a meditation teacher, therapist, and expert in IFS. (A kid randomly asks him a question - this is a recording of a lecture - but this isn't for kids. There's the explanation, then he walks you through a meditation. He's the go-to parts person that I send people to). 

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Other Ways of Working with Your Perfectionist 

- Pay attention to when your Perfectionist is silent - this is an area where writers feel a natural sense of refuge and confidence. What is happening in the writer's seat or on the page to make them go silent? Can you replicate that more often?


- When we're approaching the work with an honest sense of play, our Perfectionists tend to zip their lips: they're having fun, and they see that you are and there are no stakes here for them to harass you about - you're just playing, right? It's not like you're going to show this to anyone. Trick your Perfectionist if you have to! Do whatever elicits honest play. The key here is to not trick yourself, but to actually orient towards playfulness in the writer's seat as often as possible. There is something really rich here about ways you can bring more playful curiosity and challenge to the writer's seat. Maybe you like to play games with yourself - get to a certain word count before a buzzer goes off, or have something wild happen on the page just to see how characters react. Maybe pomodoros get you going. I once worked with a guy at a theater company who hit an honest-to-god bell every time someone had a great idea or said something hilarious. You do you!


- Create a mission statement for your book that reminds yourself of your reader, who you are writing this for, and what you hope this book will achieve as medicine for yourself and the world. Having this visibly posted and reading it when your Perfectionist says there is no point to your writing can sometimes help with the Perfectionist


- Self-compassion. How can you soothe, be tender and compassionate toward this part of yourself? I think the parts work with Ralph de la Rosa (link way above) will be so helpful and is in alignment with other self-compassion work. 


- Feel the feelings. Right there in the writer's seat,do some RAIN on-the-spot. It really helps and can take as little as a single moment. (Note: I now have the “A” as Allow and the "N" as Nurture - this is considered new best practices for RAIN, rather than non-identification, but you do you!)
 

Understanding Your Internal / External Benchmarks

Internal and external benchmarks are the standards you've set for yourself regarding your writing or your WIP. An internal benchmark might be "To prove to my family and friends that I'm a real writer." An external benchmark might be "To get an agent."


Notice that, with these and many other benchmarks, none of these things are in your control. In fact,control is a huge part of working with your Perfectionist.They are the ultimate control freak. Our perfectionists love control and the hard thing is that we don't control anything about our books once they're out of our hands, so external benchmarks need to be handled very carefully. And we also recognize that, at times, we can't even control our books - there are low flow days because you're sick, or the book asserts its own will. 


So when you understand your benchmarks and begin to work kindly and compassionately with them, eventually reframing and transforming them into something that is in your control (such as your reactions or your commitment to your writing practice), the Perfectionist can no longer run you around with these benchmarks, standards you can't possibly live up to. 



This is huge! So, you now have an assignment to begin listing what your internal and external benchmarks are for your WIP. 



Answer the following questions to wrap your head around what these benchmarks might be (or set up a Breakthrough call with me and we'll sort you out):



1. When does your Perfectionist show up?Is it when you skip a writing day, or when you've just written a scene you're proud of? Maybe it's when you read other people's books or go on social (Don't! It's the thief of your joy!).


2. How is your Perfectionist trying to protect you?You might note the time they come up to get a sense of what's triggering their presence. For example, are they trying to keep you from being too exposed, too vulnerable? Are they hoping you won't be publicly humiliated, or that your family won't be furious with you for writing that memoir? Maybe they don't want you to "go there." Mind-mapping this can really help. 


3. Tease out your answers to get at the heart of your benchmarks. What's really driving them?Now, you're going to look over those answers and begin teasing out specific things. For example, if you said you wanted to write the very best work you can, then this next question would be, "What's the very best work? What does that mean?" If you said, "to get an agent," then tease that out. With both, you're going deeper than the surface benchmark. Way down there, you might end up with realizing that both your internal and external benchmarks are related to trying to prove to yourself and the world that you're a good writer. Then tease that out, "What's a 'good writer'". Now you're getting closer to something you can actually have some agency with. Maybe a good writer digs deep emotionally, writes several times a week, and is in deep flow. You can do that. 


The answers you arrive at are your next steps for working with your Perfectionist.You'll be able to bring support, tools, and modalities that work for you so that you have benchmarks that are nourishing and allow you to tap into your personal power. 


Maybe you work with affirmations. Maybe you finally writethat Writer's Artist Statement I keep nagging you about. Maybe it's time to create a real Reader Avatar that you want to heal or comfort or excite with your book. 


The next step of this work is to do the work of aligning with your purpose, your vocation, with an orientation of service.It takes the pressure and focus off of you. It's no longer about your benchmarks, but about putting the medicine of your book out into the world. It makes it very hard for the perfectionist or inner critic to derail you, because it's tough to argue against "I want my book to heal women who have been traumatized by their bosses." Or whatever. 


One thing that will be helpful is if you can articulate where you feel your Perfectionist in your body. Once you find that area, you can spend some time there in your meditation session. Just being there. Being curious. No storylines or judgment. Just breathing into that space and holding space for this part of you that wants to be seen. It's about dropping the story and just sitting with the physical manifestation of your Perfectionist in your body. Somatic modalities are great with this, including the RAIN meditation I linked to earlier.Lovingkindess mediation is also rally helpful,because the Perfectionist needs to know you are enough, just as you are. 
 

Your Perfectionist Protocol 

Write a list of all the ways that you can work skillfully with your protagonist. A few ways to begin:

- What helps you feel playful?

- When is your Perfectionist quiet?

- Meditations for support that work for you?

- Create a writer's grimoire for instant inspiration. Keep it on your desk!

- Try some tarot for writers to go deeper into your Perfectionist and how you might best respond to it. On-demand or 1:1. 

- Get into a routine that works for you and shows your Perfectionist you have this HANDLED. 

- Take a walk. 

- Avoid bashing your Perfectionist. Kill them with kindness. 

You are enough. And, by the way, your outfit is ON-POINT. 💜

Yours in doing right by the miracle, 

The Definition of Boundaries You've Been Looking For

Writers--like everyone--need some good boundaries. It's so easy to break promises to yourself, to put the writing aside for other demands on your time. And sometimes we need to do that.

But the thing is....aren't you nicer, happier, and more resourced to show up well in the world and for other people when you've done some writing?


If you don't know the answer to that question, then you can do a little test:

Write for at least a half hour to an hour every day for three days in a row and just notice how the day, your emotions, and your interactions play out.

I think you'll see that when you can make that time, you're actually better at life in general. By "better," I mean that you have more presence, that you feel enough inner spaciousness to be kind, and that you don't lose your grip on knowing how short and precious this life is.


But knowing that isn't always enough to say no to others, or no to the busy work, or the day job that encroaches on your home life. So what to do about it?


I've been searching far and wide for a truly workable definition of boundaries and FINALLY got it a couple weeks ago in a class I'm taking at my Zen center.


It's so simple, so clear, and so easy to put into action that I have been sharing it far and wide:

“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”

— Prentis Hemphill

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I don't know about you, but when I heard that, it was HUGE. I've already used it in one really tricky and sensitive situation and it worked beautifully. With this, you come from a place truly good intent. No resentment. No need to be combative. No walls and defenses. No uncertainty or guilt. This is because you are anchored in kindness and clarity and thoughtfulness. These things give you courage. It is always so much easier to be brave when you know you are being KIND at the same time, isn't it?


All you need to do is keep adjusting your response until you get to that sweet spot of loving yourself and the other person simultaneously. I love that word, because it doesn't leave room for you to cut corners. The love has to happen at the same time.


Pro-Tip: I have recently discovered that it's okay to go back to the person and change a boundary. Maybe you got caught off guard at first and you fell into the habit energy of a particular dynamic or your social conditioning. That's not failure - it's being human. You can absolutely reserve the right to say later, "You know what? I want to be good to us both in this situation. So what I need is..."


And then you set the boundary. No need to apologize. Because you are loving and that is never something to apologize for.

Becoming a Seasonal Writer

“Life meanders like a path through the woods. We have seasons when we flourish, and seasons when the leaves fall from us, revealing our bare bones. Given time, they grow again.” ”

— Katherine May, Wintering

This past August, I led the third quarterly Well Writers Gathering, where we get together and focus on a single topic that will support our writing practice and process in the weeks and months to come.

With the change of the seasons - and obsessive research on my part into the concept of seasonality this summer - I decided to talk about what it looks like to be a seasonal writer.

As Zora Neale Hurston once said, “There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

But the deeper I began to explore the seasons I was experiencing internally just within a single month, I realized that there is a whole untapped well of information for us to use on our writing practice and process. A little mindfulness for writers goes a loooooong way.

In this post, I’ll give you a rundown of what we discussed, but I recommend accessing my free Well Archive to snag the recording and the lecture notes on my Lotus & Pen Perks Portal. The portal acts as a mindfulness for writers home base, and I update it regularly.

If you’re not a newsletter subscriber, then you can join here and have instant access (plus lots of yummy workbooks, meditations, and worksheets to support your writing).

Becoming A Seasonal Writer

As writers, we often talk about seasons that are filled with flow or those dry seasons that * some * people (not me!) call “writer’s block.” I’ve always had a seasonal mindset when it comes to writing, but this summer I’ve begun to look closely at how other seasons of our lives play out in the writer’s seat.

The big a-ha! moment was about hormones. I work with female-identifying folks of all ages, so this isn’t just about your period. I’ve come to see the HUGE impact our hormones have on our writing practice and how understanding them can help us manage the the ups and downs of our creativity with more skill, tenderness, and grace.

We're digging into:
 

• How your hormones have seasons and how we can understand those seasons better so that we write when our body wants us to, and we fill the well when it wants us to, and we rest when it wants us to.

  I'll be drawing on the incredible work of the book Period Power and the FANTASTIC limited BBC podcast "28-ish Days Later." Important! We'll be looking at moon cycles as well, or other forms of cycles, for those of you who are not menstruating, and having a look at the concept of “wintering.”

• We'll be looking at different seasons of your life, especially the one you're in right now: health, relationships, times of day, etc. 

• We'll come up with concrete ways to chart our seasons for more data and to get more in tune with our bodies in order to have a somatic approach to our writing practice. 

• I’ll be offering some options for exploratory writing, too.

This is going to be a nourishing deep dive into looking at your writing practice - and those weird days of exhaustion, energy, pain, resistance, or blah - in a whole new way. 

Harnessing Your Hormones in the Writer’s Seat

Here's an example of using hormonal seasons to inform your writing practice:


When I began to chart my hormones throughout the month, looking at each part of the month as a season - Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall - I finally understood (for the first time!) all the swings in energy and flow that has affected my writing and personal life all these years. This seasonal way of looking at your cycle is what the above, Period Power, is all about.


(Again, if you aren't menstruating, we'll look at other cycles in your life and can also use moon cycles to structure your writing practice seasons).


I'm in my "Summer" of the month right now, and both my husband and I have been shocked to discover that - no, Heather is not manic, she's actually just got a juicy slew of hormones that are giving her lots of energy! If you are partnered, it is incredibly helpful to clue them in on your seasons.


Being in Summer means that this isn't a big week for writing. It's a week for crossing things off the To Do list, getting shit done in all areas of my life, and having FUN. It's a week for planning and acting on what needs doing. This is deeply supportive to my writing because it means that when my season shifts, I won't feel like I don't have time to write because of all the things I have to do. It gives me more permission and ease to focus on my work.


Next week, I'll be moving into Autumn. Instead of being confused by the slow-down of energy, and maybe even some blues, I'll understand that this is just how my body works. Autumn is a great time to return to my work on the page, a time when I'm more tender and can use those emotions on the surface to my advantage as a novelist. I'll be meditating with more intention and will feel the affects of my sitting practice on my writing more. This is because my mind isn't racing Summer mind, which has NO desire to meditate, except when I've overworked my energy boundaries and need a recharge.


When Winter comes (hellooo Aunt Flow), that is a week where my body is making many requests of me to slow down. I'm not going to go out much, I'm going to say no a lot, and I'll engage in lots of self care. I'll be writing, but less, and might focus more on reading and filling the well, as well as research and brainstorming for my book. This might be a good time to write more emotional or slow scenes, because I'm especially tender.


In Spring, my energy will be picking up - time to tackle my revision, get my writing house in order, and put all that time I spent in Winter researching, journaling, and resting to good use. Clarity is returning, as well as energy. As Spring goes on, I'm ready to get super focused and dive deep into my work.


When Summer rolls back around, I might keep the writing party going if I'm in major flow and use that Summer energy to get a lot of pages done, or I might put the writing aside if I'm struggling to focus because all my body wants to do is move and clean and organize and run errands and go out - and that's okay! Rather than fighting this energy or feeling guilty about it, I get to see how this time is important to my writing practice because it frees up more space when my creativity can use my time and energy best.

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Maiden, Mother, Crone: Which Writing Season Are You In?

I’ve always loved the structure of maiden, mother, crone to look at a woman’s life. What’s interesting is that we can be in one season as women, and an entirely different season as writers! Perhaps you’re a crone right now (we’re taking back this word to honor the elders within ourselves) - but perhaps you’re a maiden as a writer. Brand new, with lots to learn!

Which season are you in and how does that affect your approach to managing your energy and expectations?

 Maiden: Think debut and emerging authors. Emerging / new writing, learning a lot, receiving lots of mentorship, early pub days. Debut authors and early books. Much to learn about publishing and writing, even if you’re already a professional.

Mother: Think JoJo Moyes, Zadie Smith, etc. Professional paying it forward – teaching, coaching, blogging, etc. Nurturing your own work and growing in craft and story skills, as well as professional skills. Might be very busy and tired, juggling a lot of balls (writing / side hustles / biz etc.)

Crone: Think Margaret Atwood or that incredible professor you took a class with who has been in the business for years. This is a time of offering wisdom, but also going deep into your own work. May be a time of rest, too. Longer periods between output – or possibly a very generative time, as the focus is not on establishing yourself. My husband calls this the “peak don’t give a fuck” phase.

Other Writing Seasons To Consider

Process Seasons: In my signature on-demand course, You Have A Process, we look at the individual parts of your process, the mini seasons within a project, or even within a single writing day or week. This course also includes looking at your revision process. You can check it out here.

Story Stage: Planning / Dreaming, Early Drafting, Dedicated Drafting, Revising, Polishing, Finish / Submit

Career Stage: Emerging, Active (submitting), Professional (published)

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Taking Stock of Your Seasons

Seasons can be literal - the four seasons, for example - but there are so many other kinds of seasons we go through in life.

As a seasonal writer, you’ll want to look at seasons of your body as well as any other seasons with work / life / family that you experience. How you flow and work in the writer’s seat can be deeply impacted by what’s happening in your individual seasons. Below are a few to think about, but include any that are specific to you or your community.

• The 4 Seasons

• Parts of the day / week

• Life Season: maiden / mother / crone

• Hormone Cycles (menstruation / perimenopause / menopause / post-menopause)

• Work / School Seasons

• Caretaking / Parenting Seasons

• Health Cycles (especially important for those dealing with chronic pain, mental health / health diagnoses, pregnancy, injury, etc.)

• Moon Cycles

• Spiritual Seasons (Ramadan, Lent, Zen Practice Periods, etc.)

• Druid Calendar of the Year

• Emotional Cycles: Grief, Seasonal Depression, Bi-polar seasons etc.

• Financial Cycles: Ebb or Flow?

• Learning Seasons

• Wound / Scar (Write from the wound, edit from the scar)

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Your Period Seasons In The Writer’s Seat

*See Period Power (Maisie Hill)

Winter: A tender-time. It’s a good time to rest and fill the well. You might be writing in bed, but it could be good for very emotional or quiet work on your book. Also a good time for journaling, exploring, side-writing, dipping into a course or craft book, etc. A time say NO more often.

Spring: This is a time for taking risks on the page, getting curious and playful. Trying things out and not worrying if they don’t work. Great for drafting, revising, as well as big visionary work for your career and writing practice. It’s a time to say YES.

Summer: Lots of energy – possibly for drafting, or for getting lots marked off your to-do list outside the writer’s seat so you can enjoy deep dives when you’re in other seasons. A time to say YES!

Fall: Good for editing and getting really focused. You’re slowing down, which means you have more time for your writing. A time to say NO more often.

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“Change will not stop happening. The only thing we can control is our response. ”

— Katherine May

Working with Changing Seasons

In my example above where I used my menstrual cycle, you can see how skillful it is to plan your creative life around your seasons - especially when those seasons are related to your physical or mental health.

Here’s another example: If I’m working with a writer who is Bipolar, then we immediately begin to look at how the swings they experience affect their writing. I’m not a mental health professional, so I make sure all my writers have the support they need from someone else on that end, but a huge part of the work I do is to look at the things in our lives that either support or hurt our creativity.

So, if you’re a writer who is Bipolar and in a manic stage, it could be a great time to write or outline. But if you dip into a low state, then, rather than work against what your body or mind needs, we might look at ways you can still support your creativity - perhaps seeing this as a time to fill the well, or to get much-needed rest (which always supports creativity!). Of course, every writer is different and this is a case where a writer needs a team to really nurture the seasons they’re going through.

A few other examples:

You might have a day job that has a busy season. Well, how can you stay connected to your writing during this time without putting unfair expectations about productivity on yourself?

If you’re a parent with young children, then summer can be a tough season to write. So instead of resenting this, we look at ways to work with the season you’re in.

Notice how we never take a break from being connected to our writing practice (though there will be times when you might need to do that).

Rather, we see what our lives and bodies are offering us to work with, and we discern how best to respond to the given season we’re in, working with not against that season.

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Lunar Writing

While the moon is from New to Full, the focus is on growing, building, and protecting. While the moon changes from Full to Dark, our work centers on releasing and letting go.

 - Sarah Gottesdiener's Many Moons

No matter what season you’re in, there’s always the moon.

I’ve taken to doing a bit of journaling, some tarot cards, a bit of a check-in every new and full moon.

I have a little app that reminds me when the moon is full or new - handy! And there are lots of lovely ways you can keep track of lunar cycles.

On the new moons, I think about what I want to bring in for this new cycle. For full moons, I focus on what needs to be released. You can make this check-in as simple or involved as you want.

Journal Reflections

• What season are you in right now?

• What requests is your body making of you right now?

• Are you in a season that asks questions, or gives answers?

Seasonal Diagnostic Resources

•  You Have A Process (my on-demand course is designed to help you understand the individual parts (or “seasons”!) of your process

• Period Power (Book and/or Cards) by Maisie Hill

• Wintering  (Katherine May)

• Somatic practices

• Meditation

• Tarot or Oracle Cards

• The Window of Tolerance

• Journaling

“I am fine-tuning my soul to the universal wavelength. ”

— Björk

Whatever season this post finds you in, I hope some of the above resources will support you as you move through it!

Get Clear 2022 Workbook

A Fresh, New Approach To New Year’s Intentions

Each year for a while now I've been creating an end-of-year workbook to help you gain clarity as you move into the next season of your life.

I don't know about you, but I love taking stock like this, with a nice cup of something warming and the year before me, as yet undisturbed, like freshly fallen snow.

I hope you enjoy getting to spend this time with yourself.

From my intro letter in the workbook:

My hope is that the work you do in the Get Clear workbook will be an opportunity to plant seeds in the rich soil of your creativity so that the months ahead will be filled with a wild garden of ideas, inspiration, curiosity, and sweetness.

Perhaps this workbook is finding you at the tail end of 2021 and you're eager to leave this year behind and set intentions for 2022. Or, you might be exploring this work early in the new year...possibly already feeling adrift, not certain how to correct course. If you're well into your 2022, then this is a great way to take stock of where you're at and where you'd like to take yourself in the months ahead.

You'll notice a lot of plants in this workbook - that wasn't just to make it look pretty. Plants have been my best teachers this year. They've taught me to be patient and tender. To appreciate what the earth gives me, and consider ways I can give back. They've given me a strong sense of place - I'm growing roots in my new home, while also doing the work of reckoning with who this land was taken from. (I write this on Dakota and Anishinaabe Land, in what is now called Saint Paul in Mni Sota Makoce - Minnesota).

Plants have taught me mindfulness in a whole new way and through them I've come to a haiku practice that has brought something entirely fresh to the spiritual work of being a writer. As I've stumbled along many creative challenges this year, my plants have reminded me how important it is to lean toward the light and have patience - growth takes time. And sometimes there are spider mites. Those are annoying.

In this workbook you'll find lots of word explorations to help you reach for your own light so that you can grow, grow, grow. Print it out, grab pens and markers and sticky tabs and have at it. I've also included my writing cave sign-in sheet and (creative) flow tracking chart to help you set yourself up for a good writing practice this year.

My word for 2022 is INTEGRITY. What does it look like to live with integrity as a writer, in this planet's climate? How will I go about doing right by the miracle amidst massive upheavals in my country and around the world? What are things that are not in alignment with my integrity...and what changes will living within my integrity ask of me? And here's the biggie: how can I find joy, sanctuary, and ease amidst it all?

I suspect 2022 will be a demanding, enlightening teacher, and I hope to walk through its seasons with you, supporting in any way I can.

Here's to the next chapter of our story -

Write From The Wound, Edit From The Scar

“If my hands are fully occupied in holding on to something,
I can neither give nor receive.”

— Dorothee Sölle

I cannot recommend getting on your soapbox enough. I did that recently for an article I wrote for Publisher's Weekly on why biographies need a makeover - that was my original title, and I'm using it here, at least! It was, literally, for their “Soapbox” column. It’s been nearly two months since my biography about Virginia Hall, Code Name Badass, came out, and I had a little more I wanted to say.

I wrote it from a place of power, a sense of surety, of hard-earned wisdom on the other side of a challenging journey.

It can be so scary to put your words out there. I've gone viral before, and I recommend it about as much as I would recommend getting food poisoning while on vacation.

Having a piece that could once again be read by many people in the publishing industry was a horse I knew I had to get back on...but was a little scared to ride.

That quote at the top of this missive from Dorothee Sölle is a good reminder: If my hands are fully occupied in holding on to past experiences with writing that are painful, I can neither give to my readers, nor receive inspiration for the words I write.

There were several times when I was writing this piece that I remembered my adventures in online infamy back in fall 2019, which seems both like a million years ago and also like yesterday. I had to put my mindfulness practice to use, holding space for my fear and the inner critic while also gently guiding myself back to my words and the foundation of self-worth and grace it has taken me years to build.

When I talk about a writing practice, I mean practice. It's as much a spiritual endeavor as anything else. Practice never makes perfect; but it makes better. And that's good enough for me.

Writing From The Scar vs Writing From the Wound

While I was working on this piece, I also realized something really interesting about my writing and I wonder if any of you feel this way too:

When I teach or when I write nonfiction that will be read by anyone other than myself or my husband, I am most in balance when I write from the "scar." This is something one of my meditation mentors, Lodro Rinzler, often spoke about in our meditation teacher training.

When you teach (or write) from the scar, you've come into some wisdom about something. There's clarity, equanimity.

You're a lava rock, not the lava. Formed by whatever the event in your life was, but no longer dangerous, and wild in your mind about it.

When you write or teach from the "wound," you're writing from a place of unresolved pain.

You're angry, but not the cool anger of the Queen of Swords, of Cersei Lannister, of Rosa Parks on that bus - anger that has been skillfully wielded into the sharpest of swords. You're hurting and that is writing from a mind that is all over the place, that is dropping bombs from a drone. There might be innocent bystanders, and that might include you.

When I wrote my article that went viral two years ago, I was writing from the wound.

Honestly, it started out as a blog post I didn't think anyone would read. I wouldn't take back anything I wrote in that article: publishing has a long way to go to be transparent, respectful to the authors whose words it makes money off of. If I were Martha Beck, I'd say publishing needs a major integrity cleanse. But there were a few private conversations I wish I'd had with certain folks mentioned in the piece before it began circulating. And I wish I'd ordered the paragraphs differently, alert for the tl;dr people who tweet before reading. Ah well. Live and learn. C'est la goddamn vie, as one of my characters in Little Universes says.

When I wrote this most recent piece, I was writing from the scar.

This new piece is about publishing, too, but I could feel the difference writing it. First of all, I wrote it during the day, not the night. (Wound writing often happens at night for me - what about you?) I also had several people who looked at it before I sent it out. It was edited, since it was for Publisher's Weekly. I also just knew what I was getting into, and was able to channel my feminist anger with precision.

I'm guessing the wound piece will always have more reads, be more meaningful and helpful--it was raw and that's an energy that really grabs people. But when I write from the scar, it's harder for the patriarchy (this includes females, sadly) to dismiss me. It's the kind of anger that moves mountains--not the destruction of lava, but the slow erosion that so many of us engage in, one article, one book, one march at a time.

But here's an interesting thing I also noticed: When I'm drafting fiction or memoir, I have to write from the wound.

When I'm exploring, I have to be present for everything that's there. I have things to work out, to understand, about myself or the world, and that's a very vulnerable "wound" place to be. If I show up for it with all my bravery and with a strong, sturdy practice, then over time, an alchemical process happens:

Through my writing, the wound I'm working with becomes a scar - my words, the story, the craft of my art...it's all medicine for me. And then, when I share it (from the scar) it has an opportunity to help heal wounds in others.

For me, my best writing comes from the wound and my best writing comes from the scar.

Ergo:

Write from the wound, edit from the scar.

Part of being able to do that work is to have the capacity to receive what is being offered you, whether as a writer or a reader.

Notice, too, that the medicine you receive from your work has nothing to do with publishing, with book deals, with reviews. All the good stuff a book can give you happens before it ever hits a bookshelf. And if it never gets that far, you can trust it has already done its job for you, in you, and the world. (You heal, you show up better in the world, and that gets passed on.)

But our capacity to receive inspiration and this medicine is becoming vanishingly rare.

Many of my readers and the writers I work with are women and so I know they are all too familiar with giving far more than they receive. With, in fact, being so accustomed to that dynamic--imposed or otherwise--of giver, not receiver, that they may struggle giving themselves permission to receive. It feels wrong or selfish. And anyway, there's no time.

Then there's the modern world, how it grinds down our ability to pay attention, to receive those sweet moments of sunlight on leaves, the way laughter carries on the wind, the particular coziness of a good pair of house socks.

We lose these moments to our phones, the demands placed on us, our inboxes, those we care for. We lose them to advertising and podcast episode binges and content, content, content.

We lose them and we cannot get them back.

Here's The Good News: We can train ourselves to be more present for them from here on out. To increase our capacity to receive what our inner and outer world is trying to show us, to receive it with such particularity that we can get it on the page and give it to someone else.

Is it no surprise that my word for November 2021, for the month of American Thanksgiving, is not give but RECEIVE?

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A few things for you to RECEIVE right now:

1. The Well Gathering, free, from my heart to yours. Register here.

2. This gorgeous piece on the need for solitude from Maria Popova

3. This meditation I created last year on finding sanctuary in your writing.

4. A femme boost of the highest order in the form of my recent article for Publisher's Weekly on why biographies need a makeover.

5. My dear friend Liza from Eff This! Meditation has rebooted her long-missed newsletter - my very favorite thing that lands in my inbox each week. I always learn something, am delighted, and feel like I've gotten a warm hug. You can subscribe here.

6. My meditation mentor and another dear friend, Adreanna Limbach, has the best place going on Instagram. So if you're hit with some FOMO or comparison or rage or whatever...hop over to her space for the mindfulness haikus and stay for the reminders that you are enough, just as you are, you sweet pea of a person.

7. My buddy and pal in all things writing, Camille DeAngelis, has put up a hugely generous video series where she tells you all about what it's like to have your book become a movie starring Timothée Chalamet....and why you still matter as a writer even if that never happens to you.

8. I've been recommending this glorious book to my writer friends and will be sharing more about it at the retreat. A wonderful thing to slowly savor over the coming cold months.


With pumpkin spice love,

How To Do Right By The Miracle

I was recently on the Illuminate podcast talking about my favorite things…doing right by the miracle, mindfulness for writers, meditation, being in relationship with your writing, Virginia Hall as inspiration for all of us, and so much more. Click below to have a listen! 🎧

I hope it inspires you, gives you yummy books to think about reading, and gets your mind swirling with ways to do right by the miracle on and off the page.

Heather Demetrios is a critically acclaimed author, writing coach, and certified meditation instructor. She’s published books in multiple genres and today she’ll be talking to us about her latest book, Codename Badass: The True Story of Virginia Hall, one of the CIA’s first female spies and a WWII hero. Heather shares how we can apply lessons from history to our own lives, how to have a positive relationship with our creativity, and how we can all learn to “do right by the miracle.”

This episode is hosted by Mariam Muzaffar.

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