Writers--like everyone--need some good boundaries. It's so easy to break promises to yourself, to put the writing aside for other demands on your time. And sometimes we need to do that.
But the thing is....aren't you nicer, happier, and more resourced to show up well in the world and for other people when you've done some writing?
If you don't know the answer to that question, then you can do a little test:
Write for at least a half hour to an hour every day for three days in a row and just notice how the day, your emotions, and your interactions play out.
I think you'll see that when you can make that time, you're actually better at life in general. By "better," I mean that you have more presence, that you feel enough inner spaciousness to be kind, and that you don't lose your grip on knowing how short and precious this life is.
But knowing that isn't always enough to say no to others, or no to the busy work, or the day job that encroaches on your home life. So what to do about it?
I've been searching far and wide for a truly workable definition of boundaries and FINALLY got it a couple weeks ago in a class I'm taking at my Zen center.
It's so simple, so clear, and so easy to put into action that I have been sharing it far and wide:
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.”
I don't know about you, but when I heard that, it was HUGE. I've already used it in one really tricky and sensitive situation and it worked beautifully. With this, you come from a place truly good intent. No resentment. No need to be combative. No walls and defenses. No uncertainty or guilt. This is because you are anchored in kindness and clarity and thoughtfulness. These things give you courage. It is always so much easier to be brave when you know you are being KIND at the same time, isn't it?
All you need to do is keep adjusting your response until you get to that sweet spot of loving yourself and the other person simultaneously. I love that word, because it doesn't leave room for you to cut corners. The love has to happen at the same time.
Pro-Tip: I have recently discovered that it's okay to go back to the person and change a boundary. Maybe you got caught off guard at first and you fell into the habit energy of a particular dynamic or your social conditioning. That's not failure - it's being human. You can absolutely reserve the right to say later, "You know what? I want to be good to us both in this situation. So what I need is..."
And then you set the boundary. No need to apologize. Because you are loving and that is never something to apologize for.
